Dear Friends,
It has been 8 months now since I first wrote the blog, Faith is My Armour:Tears a Rite of Passage, in which I describe the discovery of my sister Helen’s terminal ilness. Well, I am now able, to truly tell you with joy, that she made a very peaceful transition to the astral plane.
I am not writing this account to gain sympathy. God knows there are enough families out there going through equally tragic dramas of His lila (play), although I have been so grateful to those dear gurubhais who have held my sister in their light and prayers during this difficult period. I have no doubt that my Ananda family have been instrumental in creating the peace she held throughout her ordeal. But no. I want to tell you of my experience that it may help others when their time of testing comes. This blog is not about me. I write of a demonstration of God’s love as it can be for all, and I urge you to put me out of the way as you absorb what is written.
It has not been easy watching Helen deteriorate slowly over the last 8 months. It was even more difficult when I received ‘the call’ that she hadn’t long left for this world. But no one told my sister that as she soldiered on, in a comotosed state, for a further 9 days. Each night my family and I wondered would she make it through the night. Twice, I sailed across to England, from my island home, to say my ‘goodbyes’. The last time I held her hand all through the night, only to have, yet again, to make the choice of whether to go back home or stay, as she still seemed strong. There were enough family around her. I was happy in the knowledge that I had spent as much time with her as I possibly could when she needed me most; when she was conscious. Still not an easy decision to make, I finally went back home and waited by the phone, and waited, and waited…..
Then, at 11pm one night, when I was deep in meditation to Divine Mother, asking her to deliver my sister from the ravages of her diseased body, the final call came.
I wasn’t prepared for how I felt. I had thought, in all the 8 months of this trial, that I was well prepared for her passing. With my reason I knew that this was a time to celebrate the release of her soul from the confines she has endured and that she was so deserving of that release. What I wasn’t prepared for was such pain. Whether it was the sense of loss, or the culmination of the the pent up stresses of the past 8 months, and particularly those of the last 9 days, I don’t know, but whatever it was it hurt.
Battling with myself with this inner conflict I was experiencing, I had to break the news by telelphone to my, now grown up, children and other close friends. I asked myself, “Who is really feeling this pain? This pain is not who I am!” But still I felt the pain of all my earthly family who were hurting so badly. I was OK, I told myself. At least I have my faith and know she is absolutely fine in her newfound freedom. What must they be going through without it?
In this state, I knew there was only one comfort that I craved, even though God had already given me a degree of comfort as He wrapped me in the loving arms of my wonderful husband. Inner communion, however, with God and my beloved Guruji was what I wanted most. I sat before my alter, lighting a candle to my sister and tried to meditate. To anyone who has ever tried meditating with tears running down their cheeks, they will know that it is not at all easy. But I knew that I mustn’t let my pain be felt by my sister. She didn’t need mine added to my family’s to keep her drawn to the physical plane.
Funnily enough, just after this meditation I went to my computer and found an email in response to my earlier one, from a dear friend and advanced devotee at Ananda Sangha. It still amazes me at how one can be so much a part of the Ananda Sangha worldwide community at the click of a computer key, even in the middle of the night as this was (largely, of course, it is daytime in the US when it is night in the UK). Ever practical and not harbouring any self-pitying indulgence she simply said, straight from the Guru, “Try to be happy for her. She will feel your pain!”
I prayed deeply, offering, not my pain, but the pain to God. Instantly it was gone! Instantly I could feel the joy and relief of her passing. It was quite remarkable. And the result of the disappearance of this pain is no less so.
With the grace of God, taking away the pain that was plugging my upward flow of energy, there welled up from within the joy that is our true nature. I liken it to a volcano erupting. By removing the plug, the pent up energy of the last 8 months, the way was freed for the lava, or energy that is always there, to flow upward. If something is taken away there cannot be a void where that something was. It must always be replaced.
Next morning, I awoke to sunny, blue skies (a welcome change from the grey, cloudy skies that have befallen our Manx summer and uncannily representative of the mood of recent events) with a sense of great joy, feeling that all was right with the world. I felt my sister was happy.
I would ask all to take heart from this experience at the most difficult times of testing. If we know that any experience, no matter how testing, can be given back to God then there is nothing that is too much for us to bear. I know, without a doubt, that God has been carrying me over these troubled months and is still holding my hand at this time when I need Him most.
…From tumult laden, glowering skies,
Relief from all those piercing cries
Of painful woes, all self inflicted,
The peace of Christ…
Sean, when introducing Swami Kriyananda to the audience of 1150 people called this event “The Miracle Show”.
Swamiji has been dealing with considerable fatigue and a fall (which happened the week after SRW) that resulted in an injured hip and all the pain and debility that can accompany something like that.
He had many very uncomfortable days which forced him to cancel two events in LA and until the last minute his attendance at the Ford Theater very questionable. However, not being one to give in to pain or hard times, Swamiji bravely rallied and on Sunday boarded a plane (preceded by a two drive to the airport) and arrived in LA at 4, just in time to make the 6:00 show at the Ford. Upon his arrival to the theater in a wheel chair, he was greeted with a standing ovation. The crowd appreciated Swami’s monumental effort to be part of this wonderful event at the Ford Theater, and his desire to share the love and teachings of Paramhansa Yogananda
The evening began with beautiful music from our Ananda choir, Brook and Sean introduced both Ananda LA and Swamiji with eloquence and heart. Brook also introduced Neale Donald Walsch, and shared a bit of Neale’s journey which was fascinating. He gave a thought provoking and lovely talk and then introduced Swamiji. It was an honor for me to be backstage to photograph them together and the see the high regard they held for one another.
Swami spoke from his heart about his life as a disciple. And the at the end the choir joined him and performed the song, Peace.
Catherine Kairavi also gave a presentation of the book, Two Souls, Four Lives. This is a newly released and fascinating book which presents a clear and compelling case for Yogananda’s statement that in a past life he was William the Conquerer. In addition, she makes the case that Swamiji was King Henry, William’s son. I highly recommend the book. It is the culmination of 13 years of research.
Ozro, Sean and Brook did an amazing job organizing this event.
They were assisted by scores of volunteers, who were cheerful and serviceful and helped create an event that will be remembered by many. I got to fold programs before the event with this fun group and had a great time.
The day before this big event there was a tea at a local hotel hosted by members of Ananda LA, it was a delightful gathering of people. We were treated to some delicious tea sandwiches and amazing little tarts and a selection of tea. Sean and Brook talked about the work happening in LA and introduced the team of teachers who will be coming to Southern California.
Asha gave a wonderful talk about Swami Kriyananda and this new phase of Ananda’s outreach. Very exciting!
There was music from the choir and the yet to be named quartet of singers who will be moving to Los Angeles to help with the work there. Ramesha, Peter, Bhagavati and Laurie will spread Master’s love through song. For being a newly formed group, they sound wonderful together.
Again, many people were involved in making this special day happen.
Many lovely people stayed and visited and I especially enjoyed connecting with friends from the LA area again.
There was lots of laughter!
I want to thank all the great souls in Southern California, especially Brook and Sean who hosted this great weekend. We felt supported and uplifted by your work and we are thrilled for you all and the next phase of the work there.
And especially, thank you to Swami Kriyananda, who has given his life to spreading the teachings of Paramhansa Yogananda. His has been a guiding light to so many.
And now that Swami Kriyananda is now in residence in LA and a small army of amazing teachers and singers are on their way to making LA their home the work of spreading Yogananda’s teachings is going to be very exciting indeed!
In my last post, I promised this one to be short and sweet.
I have had many experiences since coming to Ananda that I would describe as sweet. But the sweetness I’m feeling lately is the awareness that the outward complexity of the spiritual path is an illusion. All the seeming separate pieces of life are melting together and becoming one flow – with one purpose: Self-Realization.
Jyotish and Devi, Spiritual Directors of Ananda Worldwide, gave a class during Spiritual Renewal Week. You can listen to them here. Jyotish described the change from Kali Yuga or material consciousness, to Dwapara Yuga or energy consciousness, as being a bit like separate chunks of hard ice warming up and melting into one flow of water. The hard separate reality of each piece becomes connected to all the other pieces when energy is applied. We are in an age where we can see that fixed forms are falling away and it is becoming more difficult to see the world in separate pieces.
I realized that this is so in my daily life as well. It feels like the old thinking of “this is this, that is that, and never the two shall meet”, is melting away. What used to be separate roles (mom, minister, wife, friend, etc) have become one: channel for light. What used to be separate spiritual practices (meditation, energization, asanas, chanting, etc) have become just different ways to do the same thing: focus energy and expand awareness.
When everything becomes one flow, it becomes easier to know what to do. Each situation does not require a different answer, because it is all about the same thing. I have found that when I get emotional, or “stuck”, it is because I’m seeing that circumstance as separate from all others. Now I ask, “Is this really so different from everything else?”
This week my son was hurt in an accident and required surgery. He is now recovering and will probably suffer no permanent damage. It was a challenging situation for all of us, and I was a bit surprised that the mom role I play didn’t become emotional and overly anxious. It is clearly because every step along the way I thought, “How is this different? Doesn’t this circumstance require the same from me as all others?” The answer: Be a channel, focus energy, expand awareness.
What an incredible week we had! Here are some recordings from our concert last Monday night:
Salute The Great Paper Flag (Swami’s one political song!)
Here is a beautiful instrumental, Love Is the Aspiration Toward Perfection played by Craig Roberts, Bhagavati, myself, Todd Billingsley, and Mukti Deranja.
And another, Friendship Is Acting In Freedom, featuring Dharmini Iyer and Bhagavati on flute, Cindy Gottfried on guitar.
Another highlight of the evening was the performance of the Life Is the Quest for Joy Suite, with solos by Paean Lee and Ben Skillman. Here is an excerpt of the last 5 minutes:
And finally, a beautiful performance of Life Is a Dream, featuring Ramesha Nani and Parkle Lee:
My heartfelt thanks to all the musicians and singers who made this wonderful evening possible, and of course, to dear Swamiji, without whom none of this would have been possible!
CDs of the concert are available upon request - music@ananda.org
The Peace Treaty is a three-act play that Swamiji wrote many years ago. And for about the last 10 years it has been a tradition to perform it during Spiritual Renewal Week. I know that for the actors and viewers alike, with each performance the play offers some new pearls of wisdom. The play in an entertaining way, presents the teachings and blends wisdom and humor with ease. I am always struck by the Swami’s wonderful use of the english language and how understandable and poeticly he can share deep truths.
Swamiji arrived and greeted a few friends, then settled in to enjoy watching The Peace Treaty come to life.
It started off quite dramatically, with a battle scene as part of the preshow that gave the background of the play.
And then… the scene we all look forward to… Slash, parry, slash parry. And one by one the soldiers took stage.
I am amazed at the talent of our Ananda actors. There were a few new actors, and some who took on new roles. It was fun to see Nabha transition from playing serious and thoughtful Ponder to the eccentric Baltan of clan Emerald.
The play is often profound and often hilarious.
The play contrasts good and noble qualities with bad qualities. Lord Crystar and Gazella display qualities that are to be aspired too.
The bad guys are convincingly played by some of the nicest men you could ever want to meet. They seem to enjoy playing these roles, as much as Swamiji said he enjoyed writing the roles. He laughs when he describes how absurd these Lords are when trying to preserve their domains.
There is love and music.
There are wise hermits and free and joyful spirits.
There are lessons to be learned.
And a very happy ending.
Swami Kriyananda, the playwright was honored and obviously happy with the performance.
And Swamiji honored Devaki, the director and one of characters, and the cast with a bouquet of flowers to thank them for their deep commitment to the play and its message. Thank you all for your wonderful and joyful performance and your dedication to The Peace Treaty.
Its hard to believe how quickly time has past. It is already Spiritual Renewal Week 2010, one of the highlights of the year at Ananda. The Village is bursting at the seams with guests, the hustle and bustle of event planning and the high energy that happens when spiritual friends from the world over gather together to recommit their lives to finding God. Some people will tune in via the internet, others are here in body, but all of us are together in spirit.
Swami Kriyananda spoke yesterday which is uploaded and should be on ananda.org very soon. I couldn’t help but to share this photo of Mukunda, the cat, on stage with Swamiji during his talk.
Swamiji sang three songs this evening, to open the concert, but wasn’t able to stay for the whole evening. However, I think everyone there was deeply grateful for his blissful presence.
He sang a humorous song accompanied by a group of talented singers, who made us laugh with their antics. He also sang Life Flows on Like a River, and Love is a Magician, both with deep feeling. The remainder of the concert was also blissful.
The youth orchestra played Life is the Quest for Joy.
It was absolutely beautiful. Such talent and devotion was channeled through them that I am sure everyone, like me, was in awe.
Thank you to all the singers, too.
Swamiji will also be speaking Friday and giving Sunday Service. While his body is often weak, his spirit is strong and it seems every time he speaks a great power moves through him. He will be attending some of our other favorite events: The Peace Treaty performance, and the Indian banquet. Lets all pray that his health allows him to participate fully, he has said on many occasions that he can feel the loving prayers we offer to him.
This week will be jammed packed with activities! And I will try to keep the photos coming! SRW began for some of us with either planning, hosting or cooking for the Crystal Clarity Publisher fundraiser dinner held at Crystal Hermitage.
I was there to record the event and was again so impressed with the creativity of my fellow gurubhais. The delicious and beautiful food, well-tended and well-loved gardens, the gorgeous table settings, the beautiful music, and the joyful helpers created an evening of enchantment to thank the generous supporters of Crystal Clarity. Swamiji spoke at two different points in the evening once sharing what it was like to live with Yogananda.
At the end of the evening he shared with delight, his new book, The Time Tunnel. Which is a charming, but deep and instructive book he wrote for children of all ages. I am sure we all will be hearing about it during this week.
This is the tent set up at the amphitheater for Spanish translation!
There is a lovely group of spanish speaking pilgrims visiting for the week. It is wonderful to visit with all our new and old friends and to share with all of you!
Bless you all! There will be more to come! Love, Barbara
Last month saw the first anniversary of Ananda Meditation Group, Isle of Man. It was an event that I knew in my heart would come to pass; however the odds against the group’s very survival have been great.
Paramahansa Yogananda taught that nothing is sent to us that we cannot handle, and it is something I often bring to mind in times of seeming adversity. Firstly we had to find a suitable venue for the group, which was growing rapidly and wasn’t as straight forward as we thought. That was because I was trying to arrange it myself, rather than waiting for Divine Mother’s intervention. But then, relaxing into the flow once again, the way opened and we were kindly offered the use off the hospital chapel where I work.
Inevitably perhaps, the initial enthusiasm of some of the members began to wane and some we lost altogether. People come and people go, but all will have been touched by Guru’s vibration and received what they were capable of receiving, according to their karma and level of spiritual development. It has been a wonderful lesson in practicing non attachment to the fruit of our labours. It could have been all too easy to take rejection as a personal affront.
As the group began to establish itself some members could not deal with the meetings gearing more toward devotion to our line of gurus. That was fine and their decision to make, but I wasn’t prepared to compromise on the true purpose of an Ananda Meditation Group just to put more ’bottoms on seats’. Contrastingly, I witnessed 2 sincere members undergo great emotional healing of long standing problems, both on a profound level and after only a few weeks of meditation.
So our numbers are few, and not surprising on a small island. We do have, what I call, ’satellite’ members who either live too far away, or cannot get to our meetings for various reasons, who like to stay connected by receiving the Group News letter each week. I am always available for advice to these members who strive to build an effective meditation practice on their own. The main Ananda website offers great support for those who want to deepen their practice, whether struggling alone or in a group, and now even offers ‘virtual’ webinars.
Divine Mother continued to play Her hand as circumstances then led to my being taken away from the Island and not being able to lead the group some weeks. I was away on the UK mainland frequently (and still am) to attend to the needs of my sister who is very sick, but my conscience against letting the group and gurus down was appeased knowing the group was in the safe hands of a sincere devotee, or so I thought until she badly broke her leg shortly after I had received the news of my sister’s illness. Rendered immobile for a good while, we moved the meditation venue to her home so she could still attend.
Not to be deterred, we strove to maintain a steady stream of energy flowing through the group, even if it meant only one person keeping the flow moving by meditating alone some weeks. We have the faith that God is taking care of everything and that, like all new ventures on The Path, we are all being tested. The group itself is being tested.
And so it was such a joy to be able to see the group’s first anniversary; hanging in there against all odds. And what better way to celebrate than with our first Discipleship Ceremony.
Son-in law, Ben and dear friend, Liz both took their vow in view of progressing to Kriya initiation next year at an Ananda centre.
The energy of our guru’s was tangible throughout the ceremony. As we chanted ‘Jai Guru’, the very ether was supercharged with cosmic energy. I knew that God was smiling upon us this day, as He has been throughout all the karmic trials we, individually and as a group, are working our way through. He has never left our hearts and is ever more strongly present as we emerge from our trials out the other side, unscathed, strengthened and ever more determined to put our guru’s teachings into practice. Jai Guru!
Again, many people were involved in making this special day happen.
