July 2nd, 2010
Ananda’s temple in Assisi
Greetings dear friends
My husband, Michael, came out with the most profound statement the other day in the beautiful Ananda temple near Assisi, Italy, and he not being familiar with the teachings of yoga. He said, “You know what is blocking my path?….myself!”
Those who read a previous blog of mine may remember that I missed seeing Nayaswami Kriyananda, at the Ananda centre in Pune, India, by just 4 days. Swamiji hates to break an appointment and asked if I could perhaps visit him at the centre in Assisi in June when he would be there. I said that this would not be possible as we had financially stretched ourselves with the visit to India. Then I received correspondence from two members of his staff both asking the same thing. Again I declined. My Kriyacharia (kriya teacher) at Ananda Village asked me the same question, and so did many more as time went on. Each time my answer was negative.
Meanwhile I had asked Swamiji for a telephone interview, by way of a compromise which, he said in an email, he would gladly grant, but went on to say that wouldn’t it be much better if I could meet him in Assisi? Again, Assisi, Assisi, Assisi! Why is the same question being raised so often, and more than once by Swamiji himself? I looked to myself. “Who is it that is saying that a visit to Assisi is out of the question? Who is it that is blocking the flow of energy that is doing its best to steer me in a certain direction?” Ego… With all the limitations and fears that it thrives on!
In my realization I put out a superconscious plea. “Divine Mother, if it is your will that I go to meet Swamiji in Assisi, then please help me out here”. I went straight to my husband and asked him how he fancied a long weekend in Italy. He looked a little surprised as we were only a few weeks back from India, but asked me why. When I told him he said, with a sigh and a knowing look, “See how much it will cost”. Now when my husband says that, he means “Sure, why not?” He knew how much meeting Swamiji meant to me.
And so it came to pass that Michael and I have just shared the most fantastic weekend with Swamiji in the picturesque Assisi community.
Ananda Assisi
The Retreat Centre
The people we met, the energy we shared… all priceless.
Sisters reunite
Brotherly love
Newfound friends
Swamiji himself carries such a high vibration and I am totally convinced of his saintly status. Both Michael and I are changed since our precious and most timely encounter with him.
Swamiji in fine fettle
We shared many an intimate moment. Swamiji granted us a private interview, we heard him give class, listened to him sing at the evening concert and then watched him take Sunday Service. He even invited us to Sunday lunch at his table.
At lunch
What blessings I would have missed if I had stayed in my comfort zone of limitation; if I had played into ego’s hands? What blessings would I, in my blindness, have deprived my husband of? The encounter with Swamiji has been a pivotal point in our lives and since our return home we are both moving in a newly inspired direction TOGETHER! Would this be happening if I had continued in my egoic delusion? I have learned a great lesson. Get my ‘self’ out of the way and all will unfold beautifully before me, just as it should.
Precious moments
The final grace of the trip was an email from Swamiji shortly after my return home in which he gave me a spiritual name, long a tradition in Yoga. The new name is given to the guru in meditation, or the guru’s channel in this case, and is adopted as a means to break away from identification with the old ‘self’. He named me Maitreyi and said it meant ‘a wise woman’.
Thank you Swamiji for working Divine Mother’s magic, and may She continue to bless you too.
Joy to you all
AUM
t.maitreyi
June 2nd, 2010
Through Nature’s hills and wooded vales,
The plenitude of Thee, unveiled,
Drives Thy spear into my heart
At wonderment of this, Thou art.
Such peace, the like born of no other,
That reaches out to world, my brother.
No separateness of sky to man,
For all commune as One Great Clan;
Beloved, I feel Thee in this space,
All earth reflects Thy hidden face,
Thy love’s caress as gentle lamb,
Or force so strong to shake the land.
O joy as realization dawns,
I Am All That, and more… much more…
Greetings dear friends,
This beautiful poem, given to us by Divine Mother, I have named ‘Communion’, and I thought to share it and my thoughts with you.
I have done a lot of air travel recently. I met with great disruption on more than one occasion due to the volcanic plume originating in Iceland that was wreaking havoc amongst so called ‘British’ air space and the rest of Europe. It brought home very clearly that man does not own the sky, nor does he have the slightest control of Nature’s forces. We are totally at God’s mercy.
Each time I look out of the window of the airplane after take off, and again before landing, I marvel in wonder at the bespeckled houses and communities below. It seems utterly fantastic that the higher the altitude of the aircraft, the smaller all below me becomes until people appear smaller than the tiniest ants: Infinitesimal in the inconceivable and titanic scheme of multi-planed universes.
The plenitude of Thee, unveiled
In my musings, the airplane represents the soul; the silent, but constant witness in the sky of infinite consciousness: The pilot representing the Guru, in Whom one can have no choice but to trust completely. I likened the airplane’s soaring high into the sky to my own meditations. The deeper in meditation, or the higher in consciousness I go, the smaller and more insignificant the ego appears, until it disappears altogether.
I studied the clouds and likened them to worldly thoughts floating in the sky of Bliss. When flying through clear blue sky there is a tranquil beauty, peace and equilibrium. The odd white ‘fluffy’ puffs benignly by. I am the observer watching them drift slowly by till out of sight. Steady on my course, I, ever the silent witness. Even when a dark cumulus nimbus looms threateningly ahead I am unaffected. Dark as night at the centre and not resting until it unleashes its tempest in fury as a deluge on all below (in lower consciousness). As the plane, guided by the pilot, flies through its centre it is thrown and buffeted about by its turbulent energy currents in attempt to violate the peace and equilibrium for the duration of passage. But still I silently observe trusting the pilot is guiding me to the right course in all situations. The sky clears. Peace reigns once more.
No seperateness of sky to man
Yet even more fantastical than the fact that humans would appear so insignificant in God’s vast creation is that each puny human being actually thinks that he or she is centre of it! How can it be that each of us, so minute and insignificant a particle in creation, has this over-stated delusion of grandeur? Why are we so arrogant as to think ourselves as significant at all? Yet are we really so deluded?
It struck me that of course we think we are the centre of our own universe because inherent in us all, at soul level, is the superconscious knowing that centre is everywhere, circumference nowhere. We all feel we are the centre, BECAUSE WE ARE THE CENTRE! There is truly only one Centre and we all belong to It. We have a dim and distant memory of our true state that has been veiled and distorted by maya (creation). This manifests as a feeling of importance buried deep in our subconscious. This is the delusion. As we are not yet permananently living in the superconscious state we think that we, as egos, are individually central, unable to perceive that our neighbour, whether next door, on the other side of the world or in a different galaxy altogether is also living in the same centre as we are, as God, pervading all, in unity with all. He is the real centre underlying all beings.
I understand how God can love us all equally and impartially, because we are all a part of His great whole where all is well. How could we love one finger more than another finger on our own bodies. It would be absurd.
My musings continued on the ground. It’s so easy to see God in nature; to see and feel that divine thread running through all, linking ‘sky to man’? Not so easy to see it in inanimate objects in the city rather than in stunning Himalayan scenery. It’s not so easy to feel communion with God when looking at a street sign, or a concrete building is it?
One Heart pervading every nook…
I struggled, knowing intellectually that God indeed does pervade every nook, yet I couldn’t feel Him in these seemingly ugly things. “Where are You here, Beloved?”, “How can I feel Your presence in that?” I asked. This one-sided intimate discourse continued as I was walking round my local town. I stared at objects trying to feel God in them, when all of a sudden a revelation! Suddenly I didn’t feel the discourse was one-sided.
No place forgot…
I, or rather my higher Self began to say, “…but that street sign is manufactured from God’s gift of raw materials. God, through man, has designed that sign from inspiration. God, through man, has manifested it into a useful object; has created it from a mere thought. Paramhansa Yogananda said that as we look upon creation, which appears so solid and real, remember always to think of it as ideas in the mind of God, frozen into physical forms.
…no one forsook
All earth reflects Thy hidden face…
Now it is evident that I am saying nothing new here and that every Master who has ever lived would speak of such things to his disciples, but there is a difference between hearing a truth, and actually recognizing it as truth within. When we come to a realization, it is usually sudden and prompts one to thinking, “Of course! Why couldn’t I see it before? We all know truth; it’s just that we have forgotten.
I continued to look around, applying this newly felt principle to all I could see: to office buildings, to cars, to gaudy advertisements, to rubbish bins. For the first time I was truly feeling God in all things and seeing a certain beauty in the infinitely diverse array of ‘man-made’ creation.
O joy as realization dawns,
I Am All That, and more… much more…”
My musings continue…
Joy to you
AUM
t.sue
May 13th, 2010
I don’t know how many times people have come to me commiserating over thwarted good intentions of meditation or some other aspect of their own spiritual practice, only to have fallen short in their discipline in some way.
When I offer support I have been met on more than one occasion with, “Oh but it’s alright for you. You’re disciplined. You’ve got this… you can do that”!
I remember reading of Yogananda speaking with one of his devotees who, in a similar circumstance said to him, “Oh, but it’s alright for you, Sir, you’re a Master”.
Yogananda’s stern retort bellowed, “And what do you think MADE me a master?”
How do these people think I became disciplined? Sheer will, hard work, and determination, until it is not perceived as hard work any more.
Making statements like the examples above are actually just a ‘cop out’. Anyone making such a claim is really denying responsibility for their own actions, or inaction, justifying to their reason/ego that they are somehow not to blame for the inadequacy.
“It’s not my fault I’m not as good as you… you’re better equipped than I…I’ll get there…eventually… I’ll try harder…I will, but…”
All humans are equally equipped with the same fundamental: divinity. There is no favouritism in Creation. No human has an advantage over another. We just think they have. Our true natures are disciplined and perfectly attuned to the Divine already. It is only maya’s (creation) cunning veil of illusion that leads us to believe our bad, undisciplined habits are inherent in our nature. They are not, but we have nurtured these habits for such an inconceivably long time that they are deeply embedded in our subconscious.
We have to UNLEARN all that we think we are and remember our true nature. If we feel inadequate before one who is perceived as an advanced devotee just know that we too have exactly the same potential as they. An important note here is that only a true master would know how advanced a particular devotee is anyway. Outward appearances of great discipline do not necessarily mirror spiritual advancement.
I view the disciplines of Yoga as an essential investment in the bank of Self realization and actually look forward to and carry out my practice in joy consciousness of self-offering. It is then not perceived as a chore but appreciated as a delightful privilege, of having been given the grace of this sacred knowledge of the ancient practice of Yoga in this life.
There is no way of putting this but bluntly. Spiritual advancement is dependent on 3 things, neutralization of karma (past and present), divine grace and OUR OWN EFFORT. Master taught that the disciple has to put in 25% of the effort required to attain liberation in this life. Guru will provide a further 25% and the remaining 50% will be given as God’s grace, via the guru. But the 25% that must come from each one of us must be 110% of what we think we are capable of. We must always go that bit more and push our self-fabricated boundaries. Each week we can aspire to sit that bit longer and go that bit deeper into our practice. We won’t get anywhere by being passive; for waiting for Realization to come to us. God helps him who helps himself!
We owe it to ourselves to take ownership of the fact that it is our own effort that is lacking, not the grace that is assuredly ours if sincere and consistent in our endeavours. Our technique may not be as good as we would like, but don’t think that qualifies us to lay blame elsewhere and give up. If we are truly sincere then we must carry on as best we can, all the while praying for the guidance and strength to improve. If we are falling short in some way and are looking for an excuse to divert away from our goal we must look to ourselves and answer these two questions honestly, “Just how badly do I want Realization?” And, “How much am I willing to change in pursuit of that goal?”
If we offer our practice up to God, by acknowledging Him as the Doer in all things, we can let go of any expectations of a desired outcome, leaving it to Him to sort out. What a huge burden taken immediately from our shoulders, but we must never become complacent or smug in our expectations of faith. We need to regularly turn up, offer ourselves in habitual devotional practice, and wait as children who have complete and utter trust they will receive what they need from a loving parent. The child doesn’t know what it needs, but it knows the parent does.
Nayaswami Kriyananda often quotes the invaluable and beautiful words from a passage of Sir Edwin Arnold’s translation of ‘The Song Celestial’. “But if, in this, thy faint heart fails, bring Me thy failure!” As long as our perceived failures are given to Him, then we transmute our perceived failure into ‘not yet succeeded’.
We can be ever heartened knowing that by sincere and uninterrupted efforts, we WILL be noticed by the Guru and help WILL be forthcoming, however badly we think our practice. Nayaswami Kriyananda speaks of a disciple who, try as he might, was not practicing Kriya correctly. Swamiji, not feeling comfortable in telling the disciple directly of his shortcomings, took it to Master who smiled. He knew of the problem and of the unerring devotion of the disciple in question and told Swamiji that he was doing the kriyas for him…
I Will…
O Lord, my heart’s love I will give unto Thee,
My ardent desire is my soul to be free.
I will move mountains, and rivers will ford,
For my soul to unite in One Gracious Accord.
But I’ll just wait a bit, for time is aplenty,
It’s alright for others, but I’m not quite ready.
“All in good time, Thou wilt come when Thou’st meant”,
I won’t put myself out…
Though perhaps during Lent.
To Thee I do chatter, my thought Thou’st behold,
So no need to work on this burdensome load,
Smug in the knowledge that some day I’ll find
That place I much read of, that Kingdom sublime.
Lord I’ll try harder, but I’m sure I’ll be given
All that required to succeed in my mission.
I won’t have to do much, sure faith is enough
To carry me through when the going gets tough.
But I promise I’ll sit more than minimum dues,
I will eat healthier food and this weight I will lose,
I will make it my business not to pry ‘to affairs
That do not concern me; I’ll keep to my prayers.
I will look unto heaven, the moon and the stars
And longingly wish for a place in Thine arms.
I’ll no longer be passive; I will act for the Good,
I will strive so much harder than I thought that I should.
I’ll no longer expect Thy gifts, undeserved,
And wonder why progress decidedly turbid.
My world will transform with the happiness I’ll get,
When I go that bit further…
I will… but not yet!
Joy to you
AUM
t.sue
March 29th, 2010
How many of you out there have experienced or are experiencing difficulty in expressing your spirituality through the unwitting oppression of a loved one?
It is not unusual for what may seem the strongest of relationships to break down when only one of the party discovers the real mission in life: To seek ones own divinity. I’m sure my experience will touch the hearts of some and perhaps even offer a little solace and inspiration.
When I began meditating, some years ago now, my husband, Michael was very sceptical about its merits and used to tease and jibe that I was up to some jiggery-pokery witchcraft. I used to meditate with 2 friends and he named us ‘The Three Witches’. Still, despite his teasing, he left me to it. It wasn’t until I discovered Raja Yoga and he realized I was moving in a new and purposeful direction outside of his understanding that he began to get more than a little twitched.
He recognized changes in me. I was more comfortable in my own company; less interested in worldly entertainment, and reading books that had ‘God’ in the title. I was accused of becoming a religious fanatic. As my time spent in meditation increased it became apparent that my husband deeply resented his self-made exclusion from this area of my life. Rather than eagerly anticipating my meditations, as I would surely have done, I began to dread the moment when it was time to meditate because I knew that it would trigger animosity in my husband. I began meditating in secret at night, all the while praying that God give him understanding and acceptance of me as I am and what I aspire to be.
The crunch came when I was accepted for initiation into Kriya Yoga. This meant a trip to Ananda Village in California, my chosen venue, and time spent away from my husband. We had rarely been apart. When I discussed it with him I remember thinking it strange that he didn’t object in the slightest. I invited him to come along, but he declined, which didn’t surprise me, yet I wanted him to know I was not pushing him out.
I knew it had gone too well, however. A couple of weeks later, when he had time to brood on my trip away, he began verbalising his concerns; valid for him. In his ignorance I was accused of getting swept along into something dangerous and that Ananda was a cult; that I was naïve and vulnerable and was being brain-washed. My husband would not take the trouble to research the website or read any of Ananda’s literature, which may have allayed some of his fears.
I recognised that my husband’s insecurities were all born of his attachment and perceived need of me. A love with strings that meant he lived in fear of losing my love. He thought I would run away to this ‘cult’. I knew he felt alienated from a relationship were we had once shared the same worldly interests. He said at one point that I was moving too fast and that I should slow down and wait for him. I couldn’t and wouldn’t do that. No one has that right to ask that of anyone. He resented the change bitterly, was terribly jealous of the time that realizing God demands, yet he loved me dearly the only way he knew.
All throughout, my devotion was strong and I knew I must not give way. I stood my ground - new territory for me - and stalwartly kept the beacon burning for God in the firmness of my resolve. Through this test I gained such an inner strength that I can see that my husband has been my greatest blessing. That he was Guru teaching me to make a stand for what I perceive as Truth. I, in turn was my husband’s test.
On my return from the U.S, now a kriyaban (practitioner of Kriya yoga), my husband feigned disinterest in the whole trip and sneered at the photographs. I didn’t push the issue. I continued praying.
Then the excuse I needed to realize a life-long desire to go to India arrived. My 50th birthday! My husband had no desire to go there, but out of love for me was happy to ‘for my birthday’.
I announced that I would like to visit the new Ananda community in Pune and that I wished to take holy vows of renunciation: The vow of Tyaga, meaning I would become a tyagi (married monk) of the Nayaswami Order of Renunciates, founded by Swami Kriyananda. Poor Michael! His face told all. He thought I had finally lost my marbles, yet despite this he surprisingly didn’t raise any objection. I asked him would he like to read the vow. He declined the offer, but we went to India.
My previous blog, ‘The Land Where Saints still Tread’, tells the tale of our experience in Shirdi. The blessings my husband received changed him, yet he does not recognize that he has.
Two days following the Shirdi experience we went to Pune. I didn’t know until the day if he would accompany me to the Ananda community. Curiosity got the better of him. My husband was witness to my vowing, before God and Guru, my renunciation of the world! Never did I think I would see the day he was actually present at such a sacred and spiritually significant ceremony. He was even receptive to Nayasawmi Jaya when asked if he could offer him a blessing.
Nayaswami Jaya giving diksha (blessing) after I had made my vow
It was wonderful visiting the new land on which the community is being constructed. We had a great day. We were given a tour, met Nirmala and Dharmadas - the spiritual directors of Ananda India - I meditated with other wonderful gurubhais (fellow disciples), we had lunch and had a look round Swami Kriyananda’s new house.
Swami Kriyananda’s house
My husband even befriended one of the devotees who was tending the new vegetable garden and decided, in the midday heat, to give her a hand with the digging!
Michael working in the community garden
He thoroughly was swept along in the vibration and enthusiasm of all present and he said that he would like to return and see how the site is coming on in a year or 2. In visiting Ananda, Michael realized that Ananda members are wonderful and sincerely devout people that don’t have devils horns and chains with which to ensnare unsuspecting women!
Myself, Michael, Dharmadas and Nirmala
Discussing the vow with him that evening, Michael bravely confessed to me he actually liked the part of the vow that pertained to partnerships:
…I will view my partner as a channel of God’s blessing, guidance, and strength, and will strive always to be a similar channel in return.
I will endeavor always, through the love and respect I feel for my partner, to reach out in love and service to all humanity…
I could have wept for joy, but contained myself for fear of his embarrassment. I just nodded calmly and smiled, thanking God for this change.
Although my husband still intellectually expresses no interest in spirituality, nor any real understanding of mine, what has transpired - and I believe through prayer and blessings - is an inner transformation; an intuition that has made his love more expansive that now enables a tolerance and acceptance of my own transformation. His actions reflect what is in his heart, which his head has still to acknowledge. A truth has been recognized, that to allow me to be who I am, to allow me to move outside the box he had placed me in, has actually brought us closer together, rather than pushed us apart.
His transformation would not have happened in this way had he not been open enough to join me in my trip to India, even if only instigated by mere curiosity. Only God, however, knows how that seed of curiosity was planted!
I made a stand for what I perceive as Truth. I demonstrated to Micheal a faith in God such as he has no option but to accept will never falter. He recognized he had a choice to either move with me, at his own pace, or to stand on the side line watching me walk on. We cannot hope to instigate change by trying to impose our will on other people. We can only ever change ourselves and calmly watch the repercussions.
Now?.. my husband will look at the clock and remind me it’s my meditation time. Together we are visiting Ananda Assisi, in Italy, this summer. He also wishes to accompany me to Ananda Village next year and said he might even listen to a talk or 2!
My dear husband’s latest gesture of an expanding love comes in the form of an alter he has built for me in our spare room.
My altar
I am told it is only with very good karma that a person will find a partner that is devout. Two years ago I could never have dreamed for such blessings; that my husband’s love would become less selfish and more divine in nature, and he doesn’t even realize…or does he?
God bless you Michael.
Joy to you
AUM
t.sue
March 1st, 2010
Have you heard the saying “Man plans and God laughs”? I want to tell you of my recent experience in India, not because I wish to talk about myself, but because I want to demonstrate how God’s plans will always over-ride our own for the higher good.
I returned only last week from a most inspiring trip to India with blessings I could not have imagined. My first trip there, I had prayed that I would meet a Realized master.
For more than a year now I have been corresponding with Swami Kriyananda (direct disciple of Paramhansa Yogananda and founder of the Ananda communities) regarding meeting up at his newly founded community outside Pune, in the Maharashtra state of India. I consider Swamiji has now proved, in countless ways, that he has indeed reached jivan mukta status (freed while living) and that his was the saintly meeting that would answer my prayers.
It was always risky to plan in stone, however, as Swamiji never knows where he will be one day to the next for much of his time. Yet, it all looked good and my information when I left for India was such that I had a confirmed appointment with him. Only the day before I was to visit Ananda, I learned that Swamiji unavoidably had left, 4 days before, for Gurgaon, Delhi, which is a great distance from Pune. I calmly accepted the situation, knowing that all was right as it was. But did this superficial disappointment prevent me from meeting a saint? I don’t believe it did.
The day before I had visited the pilgrimage town of Shirdi, which boasts the place of the saintly Sai Baba’s Mahasamadhi (great samadhi in which a Realized master consciously sheds his mortal frame).
 Shirdi Sai Baba
It was a Saturday. The town was literally heaving with pilgrims from near and far. The roads were gridlocked and not much ground could be seen above the sea of heads. When my husband, our driver and I located Sai Baba’s sacred shrine I was utterly dismayed by the throng of people queuing to receive darshan (vibrational blessing) from the famous shrine. I could see thousands upon thousands of devotees. This queue, we were told, was currently taking 5-6hours to reach the centre of the temple. The sun was at it’s highest, therefore the heat too much to stand in for any length of time. Disappointed, but again accepting life as is, our driver suggested we return in the evening as he hoped it would be less busy.
On the way back to our car, we walked counter-current to the advancing queue of pilgrims. All I could see was a flowing river of heads. Suddenly there appeared a gap in the crowd. I saw an old swami, dressed in the traditional ochre robe, long hair and mala’s (prayer beads) adorning his neck. He was advancing in a strong purposeful march, yet with such grace and agility he seemed to glide with the athletic prowess of a much younger man.
As he fast approached, our eyes met, and I couldn’t have hoped for the beaming smile from the angelic face before me. His eyes expressed instant recognition of me as an old friend, yet it went much deeper than that. I beamed back too, recognizing immediately this old soul as my oldest and dearest friend; my own. It was a meeting after millennia apart; the warmth, the love conveyed, the beatific smile….but those eyes!
Then, as fast as he approached, he was gone! I couldn’t get his face out of my mind: His eyes; the aura of youth on an old, yet very agile body. My husband and our driver didn’t appear to notice him at all.
It wasn’t until I was in meditation the following morning when… wham! The realization came upon me that this swami was indeed a man of Realization: A man of God. I have no doubt that I brushed the path of a true saint this day; that by default I received darshan from him as our eyes met, and also that he was a dear old friend that I was karmically bound to meet again in this life for mine and possibly his spiritual advancement.
That same evening the queue was still lengthy, though considerably less than earlier. We had a 15 minute wait at the entrance gate, with some confusion as to what to do next. Our driver was trying to get instruction as to where we should go as this was a massive temple complex. Then Divine Mother blessed us by sending the temple superintendent to lead us past the waiting throng of pilgrims to receive darshan at the holy blessed shrine of Sai Baba. We had not asked for preferential treatment, only that we wished to pray at the shrine and receive darshan. The experience was transforming for me. Walking barefoot along the pilgrim route up to the golden dais of his enshrined body with the acoustics of the ancient and powerfully effective tones of sanskrit mantra chanted by the high priest, I pranamed (bowed with hands in prayer position at the heart and forehead) at the feet of his saintly body. The energy in the ether was super-charged. We were further blessed by the high priest and were given prasad (food of the gods) and sacred ash, both infused with Baba’s blessing.
Sai Baba’s Shrine
In my hotel room that night in Shirdi I knew I was changed. I deeply felt the blessings from the saintly swami and beloved Sai Baba which remain with me. What a day! Two saints instead of the one I had prayed for.
Divine Mother, you can override my plans any time you like. I thank you.
Joy to you
AUM
t.sue
January 21st, 2010
One of the hardest things for me, at the start of my spiritual journey, was what to make of the phenomena I began to experience. I know this is a problem for many, in the beginning, and this is why I write about it.
When I began to awaken to the realization that there was more to my existence than the limitation of body and mind I began meditating, in my own fashion. I did not know, then, the techniques that Raja yoga has since given me. Even so, I began to experience visions, spinal manipulations, dreams, past lives, premonitions, all of which, to me, qualified explanation. Naturally, in my ignorance, I discussed them with friends.
When I discovered Ananda and Raja yoga, I would write to a certain minister with my meditational experiences. I was genuinely puzzled by what was happening to me. This minister was extremely patient with me until suddenly I did not receive replies to my emails any more. At first I was disappointed that, as I perceived, my only support was gone. Friends were unable to offer anything but fascination in what was occurring with me. However I have since deepened my own understanding and discovered the method and the blessing in the minister’s apparent madness. He was teaching me a great and valuable lesson. For which I am ever thankful.
As I progress along this path, I have come to the realization how unimportant experiences of phenomena actually are. Though seemingly valid at the time, how much validation have they really in the scheme of things? Do they change anything? I also noticed that I became a focus of unwanted attention, and the wrong sort of attention at that. People were intrigued and wanted predictions for their own self-serving interest or just plain curiosity.
Everyone’s experiences are unique and right only for them, so it does not pay to compare one’s experiences over another’s, or a lack of them. The amount of experiences one has of phenomena bears little to one’s actual spiritual development. One can be extremely psychic, yet have the worldliest consciousness. It was interesting and a relief, when I refused to play the psychic role any longer and all interest in me waned. How much of it was entrapment by Satan’s cunning after all?
I later discovered, after reading extensively the lives of great yogis and saints that many of my experiences are actually quite common with the upliftment of Kundalini. Kundalini is our latent spiritual energy, safely housed at the base of the spine. One should never release this energy by forcible yogic practices. It must be gently release it over time, by comprehensive Raja yoga. The raising of this energy is necessary for our ultimate ascension.
The test of spiritual progress, rather, must be measured in the level of divine communion one has in meditation; through the bliss and the love Guru graces us with and our ability to transpose it to our daily lives and the lives of others; to live in a sea of calm amidst ‘the crash of breaking worlds’; to bear the torch of the Infinite and shine its light on to others, living in the service of God, truly renouncing all self-serving interests.
Now I can see why this minister overtly dismissed my ramblings. I was attached to my experiences. Paramhansa Yogananda says that phenomena can actually hinder spiritual development, as I discovered. They were diverting my attention from the true direction I should be aiming, through the spiritual eye at the centre of the brow, to God. I learned my lesson.
Now? Yes I still experience certain things, though far less than at first. It is common to experience much at first, only to be tested with apparent inertia for any length of time, to see if ones interest in God still continues when no ‘carrot’ is dangled to tempt us. I take all experiences in my stride, asking myself, is this experience life changing? Usually not, therefore dismissing most, however I keep those precious ones that do touch me close to my heart, not to sully them with outward verbal expression, which cannot possibly capture a superconscious experience anyway.
Occasionally, I am guided to share some of my superconscious experiences, which led to the writing of Touching Soul, which will be published shortly by Crystal Clarity. My writing of poetry, often given in meditation, is one light that I feel Divine Mother does not want me to hide under a bushel.
Secrets in the Silence
My God,
Thy whispers held to my heart dear
As I rejoice Thou art so near.
Full of joy, to world would shout
Of precious moments none could doubt.
But my heart’s Counsel, O so wise,
To honour Thee in every guise.
My one True Friend Who loves me well
Does not commune for me to tell.
My closest moments in Thy Heart’s love
Are sacred, for the highest good.
Softly, private secrets shared
That must be held and rarely spared.
Cherished, this love ‘twixt Mother and child,
So precious are Thy secret smiles.
In silence, bears the witness true,
The loving grace Thy Heart communes.
Joy to you
Sue
January 5th, 2010
“Sue, I need to know what’s going on! What’s happening? Why are young people sick and dying all around me?” was a tearful telephone call to me at home from a distressed work colleague.
In the Intensive Care Unit where I work we see many deaths and tragedies of God’s Lila (Sanskrit for divine play), but to my colleague this was different. It was concerning a mutual friend who had been diagnosed with terminal cancer, and was altogether too close to home for her.
She wanted answers. Fortunately for me, being put ‘on the spot’, she already held a belief of reincarnation. I tried to expand on this by explaining as best I could, in brief, about the yogic teachings on the Law of Cause and Effect, or karma, of past lives and present. Karma is the sum total of actions and thoughts that cause an impartial reaction or return of like energy. This law is exact, impersonal and just is.
Reincarnation or rebirth continues until all karma is balanced or neutralized. If we view all that befalls us in this way, we can stay in equilibrium of the peaks and troughs of the illusion of physical duality, maya, and work quickly through our own karma.
Only one week later, I had to put my money where my mouth was. My faith in all I had explained to my colleague was truly tested, as God’s Lila decided to play even closer to home.
I received the news that my own sister, only 2 years older than I, had a particularly aggressive form of brain tumour! Her prognosis is extremely poor, especially now it is evident she received multiple complications from the attempt to surgically remove it.
When the news of this ‘bomb-shell’ dropped on my family, they could not understand why life, as it had abruptly revealed itself to them in this instance, was so unfair. Only two weeks ago she was walking round large as life. She only had ‘a bit of a headache!’
It is not easy to explain to someone who has just received life-shattering news that it is not for us to reason why this law is taking my friend so early on in this life. It is not for us to reason why my sister has been given a far from encouraging prognosis.
Who but God knows what karma my friend will expiate by leaving this life now? To what detriment if God’s will could possibly be negated and her life wrongly extended by the will of lesser knowing, but well intentioned, grieving family and friends? What valuable lessons would be missed if my sister was to have this trial removed from her against, not God’s will, directly, but against the exact law of karma?
So where does faith come in? Amidst the sorrow of this play, I can clearly see three lessons my dear sister has learned, literally overnight, through this illness, that were not apparently mastered before.
Firstly, she has become utterly selfless, thinking only of others. Secondly, she is in total acceptance of what is, and thirdly, she has not complained once about plenty she could have done, and would have done prior to her illness, and she will not allow others around her to complain either.
What priceless wisdom she has discovered through this trial she faces on the physical plane. It may have taken a thousand more incarnations to learn these lessons if she had not received her personal karma; exactly what she is due and, as a consequence, will start her next incarnation in a more advanced state of spiritual awareness than this one.
I stress the point that, being impartial, this law is always just, meting out exactly the correct reaction to action taken either in this life, or in a former life, regardless of the outer appearance of the unfairness of it all.
But despite the sadness and tragedy of this drama playing out, the teachings of Yoganandaji teach us to view life from a higher vantage point. Never were they so needed by me as at this time.
Amidst the suffering of my own family and friends, I can see blessings of hearts opening, of people putting others welfare before their own, of genuine empathy and desire to be of service to our dear friend and to my dear sister, and as described above, the personal evolution of souls. I view this last Christmas with my sister, spent at her hospital bedside and tending her needs, as a great blessing and privilege.
Yet because of my faith, I battled with myself for crying for her. How could I call myself a renunciate, living beyond the bonds of human attachment, if I was crying for my sister? I must be being selfish, crying for myself, yet that concept was abhorrent to me. I truly believe in my heart all I have stated here; therefore I shouldn’t feel the need to cry….. I was so troubled by this that I asked a dear friend and Kriyacharia (teacher of Kriya), at Ananda, this question.
Before he could reply, the question I put was evidently put to the Guru also, because only 2 hrs later I had the answer, from the Guru. I ‘just happened’ to be flicking through Whispers From Eternity, by Paramhansa Yogananda and came across prayer #192, Teach Me to See Thine Omnipresent Spirit Suffering in the Sick. The last few lines hit me:
“Teach me to sympathize with the cries, needs and suffering of others, that I may be as eager to free them from those burdens as I would be to free myself.
“Sorrowing, struggling, weeping, and smiling in empathy to the needs of all, may I at last find my soul’s real identity with all.”
Master had shown me in that moment that I weep in empathy for all. That it is alright for us to cry for others, even with the understanding that all is God’s will. That it is not that we are weak and selfish of our own needs of comfort, as I had accused myself, but that our hearts must open to the plight of others around us for us to enter into His Kingdom.
And finally, you know what truly sustains me through all of this? What sustains all firmly on this chosen path? That despite the self-perpetuating flux of tragedy and elation, there is one true constant. The immutable bliss of infinite power, God. All else is illusion, changeable and impermanent.
Even now, as I write these words and pause just for a second to focus my eyes and attention to the centre of the brow… there It is! Instantaneous, ever-new Bliss. Every time!
Without faith we are lost; abandoned in this world and at the mercy of fear born of ignorance. Without the tears of compassion we will never be truly free of our limiting selves.
Tears Before Dawn
When God calls time
On a dear and cherished lamb,
Know that He is smiling,
As He cradles in His hand
A soul of pure perfection,
Ever-joyful, ever-new;
A soul with no corruption from a life of dimmer view.
Know that all the karma
Meted out this life
Has all been for the purpose
Of everlasting life.
Not until is ready does God recall His own,
And when He does bestill life’s blood
He draws us nearer home.
Then all events preceding
Compile a Great Review;
To see, in life, what came of strife
And plan the next life due.
And so, we cry, those left behind,
Not having understanding
That our dear ones live,
Despite the flesh,
And return with an upper hand,
Until the day all recompense
Is paid and duly spent,
The day that God extends His hand
For good, O precious lambs.
Joy to you,
Sue
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