I recently completed the Yoga Teacher Training course at the Expanding Light. It was an amazing month filled with great joy and laughter, profound wisdom, and personal growth.

Some of my fellow trainees/teachers/friends on a hike to Bald Mountain

The program was an incredible experience. It was a blessing to receive a broader and deeper understanding of yoga in all its aspects. I was blessed to go on this inward journey with a wonderful and inspiring group of people. Even after a week of the program I couldn’t hardly believe that I had only known them such a short time. It was a month of learning together, growing together, and laughing till our cheeks hurt too much to continue (and then laughing a little more). It is a great joy to meet people from all walks of life and all ages that share this deep common interest and love of yoga.

Triangle Pose on Bald Mountain

Even though I already “knew” these teachings of yoga and meditation, the program broadened and deepen my understanding in ways I couldn’t have anticipated. It also made me grow. With one week left in the program I felt like I had given it everything I had. I felt like I was being stretched (haha) beyond what I could handle.

I started thinking, Why was I putting myself through all this? Why did I want to be yoga teacher anyway? I found myself wishing I could just find God by staying in my little cabin in the woods. I asked Trimurti (who leads the Karma Yoga program) if he had a few minutes to talk. I told him how I felt like I didn’t have what it takes to be a yoga teacher and explained what I was going through.

Trimurti helped remind me of the bigger picture. There was only a small bit of time till I completed the program, then I would be able serve people in this way. A weight began to lift off my shoulders and a veil lifted from my mind.

I began to remember the reason I had taken this program in the first place. It was to serve Master and help spread these teachings. It was to be a channel for His light in the world. Me be a channel? There had been some self-limiting part in my mind saying “Who me? Who am I to be a channel? I’m just a simple devotee. I can’t do that.”

And so I pushed the thought of me being a teacher away. But, in that talk with Trimurti, the tide was turned (bless you Trimurti). I was able to accept that I could in fact be a channel for Master in the world. I again saw this training then on the much broader scale of life-purpose. I wasn’t just trying to become a yoga teacher. I was trying to become a better channel for the Light. Now that was a cause I could get behind with my whole body, mind, heart and soul.

After hearing of my decision to embark on this time as monk, a friend here at Ananda Village sent me an excerpt of a talk by Swami Kriyananda where he talks about monasticism. He starts by explaining how it fits into the community of Ananda as a whole.

“I feel that spiritual communities need a monastery to set the example of selfless service, which is something harder for people with children to support to keep in mind. If Ananda becomes too much of a householder community, then I’m afraid it would lose something precious. Yogananda said that the path of worldly responsibility is indeed higher than the monastic path provided the householder does his duty without any attachment or ego involvement. But not many people are able to do this without examples. If you find people who really feel that they don’t want anything except God and all they own belongs to Him, their example will make it easier for everybody to tune in to that attitude.”

Many people have inspired me by there service, devotion and dedication to God. When I see someone overcome a test, or let go of desires and attachments, it inspires me to do the same. When I see people living for God and not for the egos, it inspires me to be more ardent in my own search for God. As one dedicates themselves more ardently to God and Guru, they inspire devotion and determination in others on the path as well.

Swami continues on what a period of monasticism can mean for individuals within the community.

“It would be good if new Ananda residents could get grounded in the monastic attitude before they thought about marriage. In the Buddhist tradition at least the young men live in a monastery for one year. They come to marriage with a certain understanding of self-control, of detachment, of service. Let’s first be devotees seeking God. Then, as we bring that level into marriage, we can begin to set an example for people everywhere of a kind of marriage that our culture doesn’t prepare us for. We need to have a different concept of human love than what Hollywood films give us. It’s got to be on a soul level.”

Whether monasticism becomes a lifelong path or is something done for a year or two, it can be a beautiful expression of the soul’s devotion and dedication to God.

I don’t know how long I will be a monk. I can only say that I am grateful for this time to dedicate myself to God in a more focused way. I now realize that the important part is to be open to what God wants for each of us, and to let nothing come between us and Him.

Recently, before a group sadhana one morning, a friend read beautiful poem from Whispers from Eternity by Paramhansa Yogananda, edited by Swami Kriyananda. It touched me very deeply. It is amazing how answers can come to us when we are listening and ready to accept and learn.

I had been going along having great meditations, feeling very free and joyful, then subtly, certain thoughts started to creep in. “Look how good at meditating I am.” I would think, or “Look at all this joy I am feeling. I bet others don’t feel this much joy.” And then finally, “I must be getting pretty spiritual!” The emphasis in these cases was of course on “I.”

Pretty soon, as this train of thought continued, I forgot entirely where it was that the joy and stillness I was feeling was coming from. Almost like a bird forgetting that its ability to fly depends on the wind under its wing. Slowly, I started feeling the joy and freedom start slipping away, as if it were sand through my fingers. I was trying to control something that was not mine to control.

Before I really knew it was happening, I felt myself going into an inner nosedive (to return to the bird analogy). I knew something had gone wrong inside and I was groping blindly trying to get that joy back. Try as I might, I couldn’t seem to find it again.

So I was fighting this fight, trying to figure out where along the way I had misplaced that joy of mine, and all the while my ego was doing its best to claim credit for everything. Then, by the grace of God, that dear friend read this beautiful poem entitled “Demand Not to Be Enslaved by the Ego, or by Ego-Centered Passivity“:

I want to use my own will, but guide it ever, Father, toward the golden paradise of all fulfillment. For I would be infinity’s smiling child, confident of being imprisoned no longer behind bars of fruitless desire and withered hopes.

I would break the shameful cords of lethargy that have presumed to hold me, and step fearlessly into freedom. Released, I now blaze my way through forests of every limitation and delusion.

Oh, my little, vain ego may strut proudly, saying: “Behold my glory! Worship me!” But I will look through its transparent form and behold Thine unimaginable beauty clothed in the subtle form of the whole universe! The silence-tuned hearing of my soul will ignore that tiny, boasting masquerader, my little self impersonating Thee, and will listen rapturously to the wind-borne, fragrant music of Thine own matchless voice whispering across the ages: “I am He!”

As far as I can remember, I had never heard that poem before. It was immediately one of my favorites. Inwardly I thanked God for giving it to me at that moment. I remembered also that the joy and peace I was feeling come from God alone, and aren’t mine to create or control. I had been marveling at how tricky the ego can be, yet this poem reduces the ego from a formidable foe to a “tiny, boasting masquerader.” Well that’s not so hard to deal with now is it?

I would say that all of the poems in Whispers from Eternity are inspiring, but it is so wonderful when the right one catches you at the right time, telling you exactly what you need to hear. Paramhansa Yogananda said, “There are three Bibles from which I draw my inspiration: the Christian Bible, the Hindu Bhagavad Gita, and my Whispers from Eternity, which were given to me by God.” No wonder those poems speak to us so deeply!

Related

Whispers from Eternity on crystalclarity.com

I decided during Spiritual Renewal Week in August to join Ananda’s monastery for one year at the Ananda Meditation Retreat. In celebration of Swami Kriyananda’s discipleship anniversary, the vows of monasticism were taken last Sunday. The idea of monasticism had often inspired me, but in the past I had never quite felt like I would be able “cut the mustard” so to speak, as a monk. This summer I had several realizations that made think that being a monk would not only be possible, but would be the best possible thing for me at this point in my life.

The first was that nothing outside myself would ever give me happiness and fulfillment (with the exception of Hagan Daz ice cream, right?). The lines from one of Swami Kriyananda’s songs called “One Day When I was Roaming” caught my attention. The song isn’t sung very often, I think because it seems like a sad song, but Swami can be heard singing it on the CD, I’ve passed my life as a Stranger. The ending lines were particularly meaningful to me:

For life he thought these meadows,
would give to be his own;
But life he gave not first to them,
and life he’s never known

(These lines repeat twice, and “life” is replaced first with “peace,” and then with “joy.”)

What we are looking for is inside ourselves! As long as we think that it lies in things, we will be sorely disappointed. From one point of view this seems like a grim statement: Nothing in this world can bring you lasting fulfillment and happiness. But on the other hand, the keys to happiness are within us and not dependent on anything external. We can choose to be happy anytime and all the time! Anytime we think something outside ourselves will give us joy, that joy is within us already. In other words joy is within you (where have I heard that before?).

The second realization came while watching the rehearsals for Swami Kriyananda’s play, The Peace Treaty. In watching the characters Gazella and Ponder (who in the end, become monastics), I saw that renunciation is not a denial of life and love, but a joyful celebration of the soul’s freedom and devotion in God. Instead of being cold and dry, it is an affirmation to seek love in God alone. It is, after all, from God that all love originates. Any love that we feel can be offered upward and shared with God. In this it is impersonalized and in fact made greater.

The monks at Ananda’s Meditation Retreat

As I join my fellow monks and look at this year ahead, I hope and pray that this year will help me deepen my realization of the Divine within me, and help me to share that love, light and joy more fully and freely with others. In making this decision, it has been beautiful to see how the community has supported and encouraged me. It is truly a blessing to live in a place that so wholeheartedly supports the inward search for God, no matter what form it takes.

Read the Stories of Yogananda Introduction

Mukunda’s parents were deeply devoted to Lahiri Mahasaya. They always kept a beautiful picture of Lahiri on a small altar in their home. Many times Mukunda could be found meditating in front of the altar with his mother. He learned to love Lahiri more and more as the years passed. Often, during his meditations Lahiri’s picture would change from a photograph to a living form and sit before the young Mukunda. However when he would try to reach out and touch the master’s feet, the vision would return to being a photograph again.

When Mukunda was eight years old, he became very ill. He was so sick that he couldn’t get up from bed. The doctors could do nothing and everyone was afraid that he might not live. Mukunda’s mother was very scared, but she had great faith in her guru. She motioned to the picture of Lahiri that hung on the wall above Mukunda’s bed. “Bow to him mentally!” She knew that Mukunda was too weak to do it physically. “If you really show your devotion and inwardly kneel before him, your life will be spared!”

Healing Light from Lahiri Mahasaya

As Mukunda gazed at the photograph a bright light came out of the picture and filled his whole body as well as the entire room. Instantly he was healed. His illness was gone and his strength returned. Yogananda knelt to touch his mother’s feet to thank her for her wondrous faith in her guru. Gyan Prabha repeatedly pressed her head against the little picture of Lahiri saying, “O omnipresent master, I thank thee that thou hath healed my son!” Mukunda realized that his mother had also seen that beautiful healing light that had come out of the photograph. Mukunda loved that photograph which had been given to his father by Lahiri himself.

Download the PDF The Healing Light from Lahiri Mahasaya (2.65 MB)

View the Stories of Yogananda introduction

In the ancient land of India, in the year 1893, Bhagabati Charan Gosh and Gyan Prabha Gosh had a son they named Mukunda. This divine child would grow up to be the great master Paramhansa Yogananda.

Lahiri’s Blessing

Mukunda’s mother was a very saintly woman. She knew he was a great soul even when he was still very young. When Mukunda was still but a babe, she carried him to see her guru Lahiri Mahasaya. While she held little Mukunda in her arms, she prayed silently that Lahiri notice her, even though she could hardly see him from behind the throng of disciples that gathered around the master. Lahiri sat rapt in deep meditation. She prayed with deep, divine love that he would give her child a spiritual blessing. When she opened her eyes Lahiri Mahasaya had come out of his meditation and motioned for her to come forward. She knelt to touch her guru’s feet to show her love and respect. Lahiri took her baby on his lap, and placed his hand on the baby’s forehead to bless him. He then said, “Little mother, thy son will be a yogi. As a spiritual engine he will carry many souls to God’s kingdom.” Gyan Prabha Gosh was overjoyed that her great guru had answered her secret prayer.

Download the Lahiri’s Blessing story and picture in PDF format (1.62 MB).

My Mother and Father always made a point to keep Paramhansa Yogananda as part of my life. Some of my earliest memories are hearing stories of his life when they would paraphrase stories from the Autobiography of a Yogi. I also remember informally acting out several scenes from his life when my Mother did an Ananda preschool in our home.

It was important to my parents also that I not have a narrow view of God. I remember beautiful children’s books of the Bible, and of Buddha. Also dear to my heart were the stories of Krishna, the Ramayana, Saint Francis, and other saints of east and west. I learned that throughout all time there have been sincere seekers of God and truth. God was to be seen as something bigger than just our own family and also greater than any one religion. I learned that God has come to this earth in many different forms to help us out of delusion. And so I came to see God as a part of life, one and inseparable.

To this day, however, there remains little in the way of resources to help parents share the life of Yogananda with their children. My parents had worked hard to come up with ways to make him come alive for me. For years my Mother had hoped to create a children’s book of Yogananda’s life, but never had the time to take the project on. We had talked about it in the past, but I now felt inspired to do the writing myself. Chitra Sudhakaran, a friend of mine, and a talented art student at the Ananda Institute of Alternative Living, heard about the project and was inspired to create illustrations for the stories. We wanted to make the dream a reality. The goal was to make a beautiful and magnetic resource for inspiring children.

I have now completed writing a handful of stories drawn from the Autobiography of a Yogi. While I try to simplify the writing for children, I strive always to keep the beauty and inspiration of Master’s own writing. It has been a wonderful exercise in attunement for me.

Chitra and I at the Ananda Meditation Retreat

Chitra has now completed several drawings for this project. They are quite well done and I think she captures the beauty and devotion of the different scenes.

So in the coming weeks I will begin posting the short stories of Yogananda’s life along with the drawings. We may at some point put them together in a book, but I wanted to make them available to share with your children now. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Master said, “To those who think me near, I will be near.” I hope that through this project more children will think him near and feel his presence in their hearts.

Read the stories:
Lahiri’s Blessing
Healing Light from Lahiri Mahasaya