Once we are sincerely seeking God, and the longing for truth becomes stronger than the call of the material world, God sends a guru. When we feel that we can give our life to the spiritual path and the guidance of the guru, we become a disciple. When we become a disciple, life may change in profound ways, but it doesn’t go away. Life is still there, in all its glorious complexities, and we still have to engage in it. The challenge of discipleship is not doing what the guru asks of us, it is doing what the guru asks, EVERY DAY. The challenge is living our discipleship.
Ananda Village offers a month-long course called Living Discipleship, and I had the extreme privilege of participating with eight remarkable souls from Portland and other Ananda communities. The program is required for those who plan to be residents and encouraged for all kriyaban disciples. We took the good – natured teasing about being live disciples and the inevitable comments about the alternative: dead disciples. But we all knew it was the verb we were there to focus on – living and applying discipleship to every part of life.
Meditation Retreat Temple
The course takes place (for now – things are always changing at Ananda) at the Ananda Meditation Retreat, away from the busier scene of Ananda Village. The setting is remote, quiet, beautiful, inspiring, and nurturing to the sensitive inner searching that the program is designed to encourage. (If you have an opportunity to visit the area, make the extra effort to see the Meditation Retreat, located about 6 miles from Ananda Village.)
The program is full – it is not a slow paced, quiet retreat from the world. You commit to being away from your “normal” outer life patterns, to enable a deep focus on the inner life patterns that are needed for discipleship. Much like turning off the car radio helps you focus on finding an unfamiliar address on a dark road; turning down the input from outer demands frees energy that is not usually available – so a larger commitment can be made to the work at hand.
Praying at the altar
The work we engaged in was to joyfully use the tools and techniques the guru has given us for Self-Realization. We had classes on the four techniques taught by Paramhansa Yogananda: Energization, Hong-Sau, Aum and Kriya, all taught by long-time devotees whose lives are examples of discipleship in the deepest form. Kriya is required for the course – we were all familiar with the techniques. But this was detailed review and group practice; a rare opportunity for busy disciples who are constantly engaged in the demands of life.
We also went deeply into various aspects of yoga we can use to awaken devotion, expand awareness, focus energy, and purify consciousness. All those things we know, as disciples, that we should be doing regularly but often barter away in the market of worldly demands. So we had long sessions of hatha yoga postures and discussions about attunement and renunciation. We studied the Festival of Light (a ceremony performed every week at Ananda Sunday Services), and we explored the attitudes that can get us into trouble or bring us closer to freedom on the spiritual path.
Retreat gardens
We chanted and did healing prayers with the great enthusiasm and joy that comes when you really commit time and energy to doing it. And we served; giving our energy into the infinite flow of divine energy that makes Ananda possible.
We had the opportunity to hear about the work Ananda does worldwide, the karmic lessons learned from 12 years of legal battle, and the financial workings of an ever expanding spiritual work. These classes were joyful and inspiring as well – far beyond what you might expect of “nuts and bolts” topics. But the question, “How does all this really work?” is a normal and expected one. Living discipleship means having a daily, practical understanding, not just an airy fairy hope that all will work out in the end.
Garden shrine… one of many!
And then (yes, there is more!) we had 4 ½ days of group seclusion. Due to the festivities of the Fourth of July weekend, our seclusion was shortened a bit. You may conclude that the seclusion was a reward, after a demanding, and somewhat exhausting, 2 weeks. I have to say it felt a bit like that to me, too. But seclusion is how we make the outward lessons become inner reality.
Majestic view from Retreat grounds
The true work of discipleship is inward – the outward struggles are really not all that important in the larger picture. The purpose of studying and learning the teachings of Self-Realization is to take that understanding within. As disciples, we have asked our guru to help us – not to understand and be able talk about everything in great detail, but to actually become Self-Realized and completely free from delusion.
So seclusion is a break from outward activity, but it isn’t a break from the work our guru has charged us to do. Our seclusion in the program included group meditations and group meals, but we had several hours during the day to use as we felt inspired. And we were in silence – blessed, sweet, grace-filled silence. Paramhansa Yogananda said, “The Lord comes not in outward noise, nor when the mind is agitated, but in inner silence. His very being is silence. In silence He speaks to the soul.”
When I’m asked if the Living Discipleship program was “fun”, I’m caught. I can’t say it was fun, like swimming in a cool river on a hot day is fun. The inner realities I struggle with, after almost 30 years of discipleship, are not minor battles – they are intense and messy. My spiritual muscles got a workout! But the memories of the time in the Living Discipleship program are also filled with laughter, friendship, joyful, intimate communion with my guru, and deep gratitude for the gifts we have been given on this path.
Entrance to the Meditation Retreat
I encourage you to look at the Living Discipleship program if you are a kriyaban and serious about moving forward in your spiritual growth. Mangala heroically coordinates the program and would be happy to answer your questions. Write to her at Mangala@expandinglight.org.
My apologies for the long post. Next time it will be short and sweet.
In divine friendship,
Lorna
At the Portland Living Wisdom School, the primary class (first, second and third grade) performed “Frog’s Dream”, a musical play set in the rainforest. I co-teach the class and my job was to sit on the sidelines and hit the play/pause button on the CD player at the right time.
The frog’s dream was to see the sky. The rainforest is crowded with trees and the frog lives down in the shady understory, longing to go up high to see the sun. Toucan can’t help because of a wounded wing. Frog encounters a variety of other animals and none of them can help her. Finally, frog puts aside her own desires and helps her friend Toucan. Toucan’s wing is fixed and then she is able to take frog up to the canopy to see the sun.
It was a cute play, with fun songs and great performances from the children. I enjoyed the show and enjoyed everyone else’s enjoyment. But as I watched, I became deeply involved in the unintentional symbolism of the story and the characters. In my mind, the frog was our highest aspirations – longing to experience the light of God-realization. The other characters took on meaning as other inner qualities.
There were the sloths – who expressed interest in the frog’s cause, but just couldn’t muster enough energy to do anything about it. There were the jaguars, who were perfectly happy being “cool, cool cats” on the jungle floor. They thought frog was crazy to want something different. The boa constrictors were only interested in their desire for the next meal and would do anything to get it; even pretend they wanted to help frog reach her goal.
The ants were caught up in their group mentality; they had no interest in frog’s dream. Two human explorers passed through, looking for the next great discovery (a city of chocolate) – they were too distracted to be of any help.
Does any of this sound familiar?
Frog is discouraged, but suddenly realizes she has done nothing but think of herself. She then changes her thinking and puts energy into finding help for toucan. When toucan is cured and can fly, she offers frog a way out of darkness, into the light above the dense growth of the rainforest. The story ends with the song telling us that “she never came back down”. My mind translates: When we expand our awareness beyond our little self and put out the right kind of energy, we can rise into the highest levels of consciousness.
It’s great fun to look at the world through the eyes of a devotee. Everything takes on a deeper and more powerful meaning, and can be a doorway to expanded awareness and inspiration. Yogananda says in one of his poems, “Thou has opened my eyes and now I find doors everywhere.”
But I have to admit that I was surprised to find that even a simple school performance led me through a doorway of inspiration. I wasn’t trying to lift my consciousness above the pleasant commotion of the evening – I just found myself immersed in the thought that I have often heard expressed but had never deeply appreciated: There is only one thing happening.
Just one thing – in all circumstances, in all places, in all hearts. Just the struggle to understand how to get out of the shadows and into the light.
Through Paramhansa Yogananda and his disciple, Swami Kriyananda, we have been given what we need to find the way.
I lost the battle last night. Yogananda said that life is a “battle for joy” – and I lose more often than I like to admit. When you find a true teaching, a true guru, and a spiritual family who reflect and support your ideals, it is a major victory, and life seems infinitely more doable. But the real work has just begun!
There is something else Yogananda said – that we should be able to “stand unshaken amidst the crash of breaking worlds”. That brought to mind images of Yogananda standing calmly while all around him volcanoes erupted and earthquakes raged and whole worlds exploded. Then one day, while trying to hold onto joy and reason in the midst of some trivial life event, I realized that “crashing worlds” didn’t necessarily mean galactic cataclysms. Little teeny, tiny worlds crash when the car runs out of gas, or your children don’t do the dishes, or you don’t meet the deadline. So then, that understanding translated into pictures (my visual learning style is showing) of miniature little worlds exploding around me during those small, but challenging, life events that come to us daily.
But I continued to believe that I had to tackle life in big chunks. I struggled with being who I wanted to be at work, at home, being a mom, and being a friend, in this circumstance or that. I worked on defining myself as a disciple under all circumstances, and that was another step in understanding. But life is hard, and I kept working with all the tools Yogananda has given us, to do life better – with more joy and awareness.
Gradually, (so gradually!) I broke up life into smaller and smaller pieces. I worked on being joyful for this day, for this morning, for this task. I tried to be a channel for joy with this person, or while confronted with that challenge. But it was, too often, more than I could do.
I’m not sure when it happened, but a new level of understanding came clear. The battle became for each moment, each breath and each heartbeat. The battlefield is not outward circumstance, it is in the spine – where energy moves and consciousness is the territory. Now I ask Master, “How do I meet this moment with the highest consciousness?” And gradually (why does it have to take so long?), it becomes just one question and one answer, for each moment and each thought.
I lost last night because I stopped asking the question, and the slope down to lower consciousness is steep – an easy, fast ride down to the bottom. I felt the failure this morning and I didn’t want to get out of bed and face the battle again. But the battle wasn’t waiting for me when I got out of bed; it was there in bed with me! In my thoughts. Laying there meant more territory lost, and the battle wasn’t going to end because I didn’t like it. So I asked the question, “Master, how do I meet this moment with the highest consciousness?” And I got out of bed and asked again. By the time I hit the shower I felt a glimmer of victory.
A few days ago I got into the car at 5:30am to begin my day of activities. There was a meditation, a meeting, then school and then work at the temple waiting for me. It was dark and cold and my family was still sleeping in the house. The car wouldn’t start.
I woke my saintly husband and we problem solved together. I thought the gas had been siphoned off so I walked to the gas station and then we tried again after putting a couple gallons in. It still wouldn’t start. My husband offered me his car and he called the mechanic.
We learned we had a broken fuel pump. The fuel pump is essential for getting the fuel into the engine where it does its job of making things go. I could pump in fuel all day, but if the fuel pump doesn’t work, nothing moves. It didn’t seem like a lesson in energy at the time, it seemed like a lesson in how to let go of $600.
This morning, I received a very sweet, friendly email reminding me that my scheduled posting for this site was overdue. I, of course, already knew this because I have been hitting “snooze” every time the little reminder window would pop up on my computer screen.
I had plans to sit at my computer and write this morning – and then all day, but not for this blog. I have a curriculum writing project I’ve been part of for over a year and that deadline is months overdue.
Living Wisdom School, where I teach part-time is on spring break, but there are hours of planning, classroom clean-up and preparation to do before the kids return. I will spend half of the break helping my mother in her recovery from surgery so I won’t be in town.
I’m still working at the Portland Temple and Teaching Center (which doesn’t take spring break) and we have two significant events this week, besides the regularly scheduled classes and daily opportunities to serve. There will be a Nayaswami Renunciate Order initiation for the first time in Portland. I will be taking a Pilgrim vow and as part of the staff I am involved in the preparations and planning for the event.
The home scene involves ferrying kids to friends and classes today too, along with the daily piles of laundry, dishes, and spring chores.
All this is to say – each day is full to overflowing with opportunities to learn that God is the Doer. I can get anxious, tense and on the verge of panic if I think about every THING that must be done and the inadequate time I have to do it. There simply is no way to succeed.
As I practiced Yogananda’s energization exercises this morning, the words of the prayer seemed to vibrate with meaning: O Infinite Spirit, recharge this body with Thy conscious, cosmic energy. Recharge this mind with Thy concentration and determination. Recharge this soul, and all souls, with Thy ever-new joy. O Eternal Youth of body and mind, abide within me forever and ever. Amen.
There is infinite cosmic energy flowing all the time – all I need to do is to open up to the flow. I had a sudden flash back to the early morning car episode. My consciousness is the fuel pump!
My daughter is here practicing piano while I write and her fingers are flying over the keys. I can almost see the energy flowing into her and producing the beautiful music. If her fuel pump wasn’t working there would be no beautiful music filling the house. It’s her willingness and openness to the divine energy that makes it happen. I can let beautiful things happen through me too, if I open the fuel pump of my consciousness and allow the energy to move where it can do the job.
Whenever I experience a deepening understanding of universal truths, there follows an overwhelming gratitude to my guru, Yogananda, and his devoted disciple, Nayaswami Kriyananda, for the teachings that make the understanding possible. Without access to what is offered through Ananda, I would still be struggling in the dark wondering why things don’t work the way I want them to. How to say thank-you for such a gift? Allow God to be the Doer.
This week I became an Ananda minister. I’ve played the role of assistant minister for some time so this step was a natural one, but I still found myself a bit surprised.
Ananda doesn’t have a seminary or a list of requirements that must be met before one can serve as a minister. There is no diploma that is issued, a test that must be passed, or any outward achievement that puts one on the minister role call. Yoga is about inward unfoldment and discovery. It is also about directional energy – meaning: What step will help us move toward greater expansion, conscious awareness and self-forgetfulness? The invitation to serve as a minister in the Ananda Portland Sangha was a recognition of commitment and attunement; but even more importantly, it was a loving challenge to keep moving in the right direction.
We are beings of energy and energy is movement. You can’t stay in one place if you are a sincere seeker on the spiritual path; energy is always flowing in some direction. It may look like the place you are standing is a really nice place to be for a while. To just stand and look out at the scenery and be comfortable is a sweet temptation. But very soon the waves of the world are washing the sand out from under your feet and you have to move or get sucked under.
So now I am a minister and I realize that I was a little too comfortable where I was. Now there is a new mirror to look into and check myself for wrong thinking. The title “minister” is just a minor part in the play of life, but I want to play it sincerely and wholeheartedly, so I thought memorizing the Prayer for Ordination of Ministers would be a good idea. It is simple:
I offer my life in service, to be a channel for Thy ray, Thy love.
May my body express Your energy.
May my hands express Your servicefulness to all men.
May my eyes express Thy joy.
May my heart express Thy love.
May my voice be rich with the harmony of Your presence.
Use me as your instrument,
always in the awareness,
that Thou art the Doer, not I.
You may notice that there is nothing passive about the prayers at Ananda; Self-Realization comes with very intense activity for God! But it’s the inward movement of energy that is important, not the outward activity or label. This prayer could be used by anyone who seeks to forget the little self and move toward greater freedom and joy.
Minister is not just a role at church; it is an attitude and self-offering for all the circumstances of our lives. As I helped hold squealing guinea pigs this afternoon so my daughter could clip their claws, I had to laugh as the thought came across my mind, “Is this what Ananda ministers do?” Yes, that’s what they do – whatever it takes to move the energy in the right direction and be an instrument for God’s presence.
Do you feel joy when using your physical skills to learn and grow and experience life? Perhaps you lead with your heart and feel most alive when you are in a beautiful natural setting, or caring for animals or babies. Maybe you live for a challenge – such as tackling a new project, or raising money for a cause or finding a solution to a problem. Then there are those who love to make lists and use their mind to discover and learn.
Body, Feeling, Will and Intellect – those are the four tools of maturity that Swami Kriyananda describes in the book Education for Life, which is the foundation of the Ananda Living Wisdom Schools.
I teach at the Living Wisdom School in Beaverton, Oregon. We recently had a workshop for parents and experienced the tools of maturity in a fun, interactive way. Learning through direct experience is an important tenet of Education for Life and Living Wisdom Schools. So we didn’t sit around all evening talking about the tools of maturity; we played games, built towers out of blocks, looked through animal pictures, wrote about our feelings and had a great time.
The parents went home with a real understanding of how we teach and how Living Wisdom Schools approach education differently than the mainstream schools. They were all smiling and laughing and asking for more classes as they left. I could tell that the evening they had anticipated – important perhaps, but an imposition on other, more entertaining activities – had turned into an engaging and enlightening time with people they enjoyed.
Education for Life will change the way we learn and teach all over the world. The technology available now is making it possible to share with other educators and parents who are not near a Living Wisdom School, or who really want to create one. With online classes teachers in India can share with those in Wisconsin.
Swami Kriyananda has often said that music has the power to change consciousness, and I have always believed that to be true. But there are always new levels of understanding to discover.
I have been singing in the Ananda Portland choir now for many years and find that my consciousness is always uplifted when I concentrate on the music written by Swami Kriyananda; whether singing in choir practice, a performance, or singing to myself in the car. I know I feel more expansive and joyful at those times. But it is difficult to convey in words the power that is within each song.
This week we had two opportunities to sing in concert and celebrate the Christmas season. The first time was a Catholic sanctuary here in Portland. There is an annual festival of lights and a beautiful stone chapel with amazing acoustics. Choral groups sing every night in the chapel and we were honored to be one of them. The day of the concert, when I should have been meditating, practicing, and happily preparing for the evening performance, I was home feeling irritated and moody.
It was my one day off during the week and I felt pressured to get a lot done in very little time. The house was in chaos because of several unfinished projects. The Christmas decorating had just begun and boxes were everywhere. My daughter had a piano lesson and there was no place for the piano teacher to even sit. My oldest son was coming home for the holiday and there was no place for him to sleep or put all the stuff he was bringing with him. There were several stressful issues that came to a head on the one day I didn’t want to deal with them, and the idea of singing in a challenging concert became more of a burden than a joy.
When we arrived I was still feeling impatient and irritable while we waited our turn. After warming up and reviewing details, we all sat to meditate a bit before we were called upstairs to the stage. After meditating just a few moments, I felt calmer, but not exactly inspired. We stood in the lights to sing the first song and I could see friends in the audience. I prayed it wouldn’t be a disaster. The first song was Children of God:
Children of God, your time of trial has ended!
See where the dawn irradiates the night.
Soon all your tears will rise like dew to the sun,
Sorrow will turn to joy, your griefs to delight.
Children rejoice for lo, the kingdom of God,
Comes in full splendor,
It needs but your sight.
Listen to an earlier version (some of the words have changed, but the melody is the same) of the song:
My mood was gone and in its place was joy and gratitude.
When you sing a song with that message, there is no room for anything but joy. We sang for forty more minutes and the joy grew. As the story of Christmas unfolded through each piece, the little me disappeared and I felt a kinship with everyone in the audience and those beyond the gray stone walls. We were all blessed by Christ, and we could all experience the consciousness he manifested, if we turned our sight within.
A few days later was another concert. This time the setting was more intimate – just a small gathering of the Portland Ananda sangha. But the vibration of the music is the same, regardless of the setting. I felt blessed beyond measure.
I’ve reached a new level of awe for what Swami Kriyananda has given us. There is something about these two experiences that reach deep into my consciousness. I know the vibration of this music is changing much more than my emotions. It is not just an easy answer to mood swings (although that is a good place to start!). If I can feel it changing my consciousness, and my perception is extremely limited – I know there are subtle changes happening beyond my awareness.
I urge you to listen, sing, play, hum, and memorize the music of Ananda. I don’t know if it is the greatest gift Swami Kriyananda has given the world, he has given so many. But I am convinced it is the most accessible and powerful transformational tool available on the planet today.
Use the music of Ananda to experience the truth of Christmas. Open your heart to the message of light and love that Christ brought and that can be experienced by every soul. Children rejoice for lo, the kingdom of God,
Comes in full splendor,
It needs but your sight.
Free samples of music by Swami Kriyananda can be found at Crystal Clarity and at Ananda.
